Mostly Men Online Role-Playing Girls

Ah, MMORPGs. It brings up feelings of dudes in their mom's basement, chugging Mountain Dew and scarfing down Pizza Rolls, as they yell at the screen because their character's body is being camped. It's the gaming genre that sucks you in and spits you out until you're a hollow shell of a human being.

Okay, maybe it's not like that for everyone. I mean, I have my own apartment, I hate Mountain Dew, and I don't get camped because I don't suck. I even have a job and college with a GPA of 3.6, too! And I, for one, love MMORPGs. I've played World of Warcraft, Guild Wars, Lord of the Rings Online, Everquest II, and am currently playing Warhammer Online.

For the non-game types, MMORPG stands for Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game, but it's often joked that it stands for Mostly Men Online Role-Playing Girls. It's true. 85% of female characters in MMOs are guys, yet they still get hit on by lonely straight 20-somethings. Though nowadays more women are playing these games, back in the day it was rare.

I started playing World of Warcraft in 2006 before the expansions came out, when I played a rogue on Alliance. It was my first MMO, and I had no idea what I was doing. I was wielding a spell-caster dagger, wearing stamina cloth, and didn't know what talent points were until level 20. I was awesome. Then I realized how to play and it got fun. The expansion came out and I joined a guild and raided casually and PVPed.

In 2008, when Wrath of the Lich King came out, I got totally for serious. I was playing a shaman healer and was raiding hardcore. It was fun at first, but after two years of that I was sick of healing people and not hitting monsters with a giant sword. Being useful and saving your group? Pfft. I want blood!

I quit WoW for the third time early this year, although this time it was permanent. I left when Blizzard announced that they're going to have everyone use their real name on their forums, and since I had been stalked in-game before, I really didn't want that. I also found out they had made a pact with Facebook that will bring them more money, because the multi-billion-dollar corporation doesn't make enough. Also, Ghostcrawler is their lead dev and also a whiny moron.

Since then and throughout my time in WoW, I've played other MMOs, and it really makes me wonder: Why is World of Warcraft so popular? Is it because it's easy to learn and grasp? Is it because there's always stuff going on with so many subscribers? Who knows. There's better games out there, though.



1. Warhammer Online




(Watch both, the first is cool and the second has an orc-apult)

Warhammer Online, before it came out, was constantly called "The WoW Killer," a conveted title for a game that has the possibility of destroying the MMO Behemoth so other games have a chance at the subscriber base. I played it on release and absolutely loved it, despite its flaws. Warhammer Online made a fatal mistake, however: it was released before it was fully polished. Subscriptions dropped and everyone went back to WoW, myself included.

I just returned to the game last month, and wow, is it ever the most fun MMO I've ever played. You can choose Destruction, the super-evil side composed of Chaos humans that are Ravengod-worshipping Vikings, Dark Elves that are vampires which worship Khaine (the god of hatred. HATRED. That's how hardcore evil they are), and Greenskins, which are orks and goblins that also happen to be soccer hooligans. You can also play Order, which are made up of Order humans that bring up recollections of the Spanish Inquisition, High Elves that are pretty girly, and Dwarves that have ale-powered technology. No, really.

The game is interesting because there are 24 classes, 4 for each race. Each race has an archetype: tank, healer, ranged DPS, and melee DPS. Each class is incredibly unique. For instance, on Destruction I'm currently playing a Disciple of Khaine, which is a healer that goes into the fray and steals life-force from her enemies while she kills them. On Order, I play a White Lion, who wields a two-handed axe and has a faithful white lion as his companion that grows larger as he levels.

The object of the game is Realm versus Realm, commonly called PVP in other games. Both sides fight to control objectives, keeps, fortresses, and even cities. There are also scenarios, or battlegrounds. A lot of people's problem with this game is that it offers little PVE, but what do you really expect from a game that has such an in-depth PVP system? PVP is more fun and more challenging than PVE anyway, in my opinion.

The only problem I see with this game now is lack of players, and since you want as many players as possible since it is a game involving fort and city captures, this can be crappy. However, the Badlands server is vibrant and alive. Join me in killing Order scrum!

4.5/5 Doritos bags





2. Lord of the Rings Online



LotRO is one of the most beautiful games I've ever played. The graphics are incredible yet not hard on your computer, and the landscapes are literally breathtaking. Most of the time spent playing was simply looking around, because the game itself was so beautiful and detailed.

As a Lord of the Rings nerd, it was a great thing to be in Middle-Earth. The game was heavily inspired from the movie trilogy, so the Shire felt like you were actually there. Better yet was the Epic questline, where you followed the story from Lord of the Rings and assisted the Fellowship in their quest. You get to meet Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, the hobbits, Arwen, and even Tom Bombadil. The crafting system is interesting and in-depth, the instanced quests are epic as all get-out, and classes are interesting and unique. Plus, minstrels actually play music and get to pick between several different instruments, from lutes to bagpipes.

However, there was a problem with the game that caused me to leave. It gets very boring. I reached level 26 on my ranger, and when I was playing with Sean, I was literally bored to tears. I've never experienced such a thing before. I just started crying because I was so bored.

I think the game's problem is the fact that quests start to get stale around mid-game. They start to become "Kill X wolves for me! Bring me back X pelts!" No one likes that.

However, I will give this game a bonus because it has something I adore that many other MMOs lack: player housing. You can choose between a large expensive house or a cheap small house in human, dwarf, hobbit, or elf neighborhoods. I'm super girly when it comes to this because I love decorating. Plus, it's Lord of the goddamn Rings. You can't go wrong.


4/5 Mountain Dew: Code Red cans



3. Everquest II



Sean used to play old Everquest back in the day, and had me try it. I was killed by the first rat I encountered and kept dying. I hated its interface and vowed never to play it again, and then I tried Everquest II.

Everquest II is not only more user-friendly, but its graphics are great for an older game. There's just so much to do in this game. It's somewhat overwhelming. There's a near endless amount of land to explore, tons of races and classes, lots of cities, sprawling dungeons, and a great crafting system.


It's almost a little too big for beginning players. When I started playing I was completely overwhelmed with all the stuff I could do. I spent most of my time in my player house, arranging my bone furniture and dark tomes to look as evil as possible (I played a necromancer).

It's a great game, but new players should take it slow and try out a few different things before they dive in.

4.5/5 Poopsocks



I haven't played other MMOs (besides these and WoW) enough to review fairly, so I'll now discuss upcoming games that I am peeing myself over.


1. Guild Wars 2





I was meh with Guild Wars. It was all right, not great and not terrible. Just... "meh." When I heard about Guild Wars 2, once again, I said "meh." However, the art style piqued my interest. It was so refreshing and beautiful, especially for an MMO, with its painterly style, so I checked into it a bit.

My mind was completely fuckin' blown. Holy shit. If this isn't the MMO to end all MMOs, then the developers are the best liars since Loki.

In this game, you can choose from five interesting races: the hulking and brash Charr, the annoyingly cute Asura with a superiority complex, the Vikingesque Norn, the hippie tree-hugging Sylvari, and humans. This game is interesting for reasons that I can only give coherently in a list:

-You can move, pick up, and affect objects in your environment.
-Different weapons give different skills, depending on class, race, and weapon type
-No grind; you start doing cool stuff at level 1
-Immense, beautiful landscapes and cities
-NPCs that act like actual people and don't just stand around repeating the same scripting conversation for all of time
-You can affect your friends' abilities and spells. For example, an elementalist can lay down a flame wall, while a ranger can shoot through the flames to create fiery arrows.
-Unique and very interesting spells and abilities, that are very real and visceral
-You can choose your personality and build your storyline from there. You can be a smooth-talking swindler, a chilvarous hero, a drunk guy that likes to punch old ladies, or just plain evil.

And the most important point of all:

-What you do will have a complete affect on the environment. An example they give: Centaurs are raiding a town. If you save the town, the town will remain and the villagers will remember you. If you don't, the town is burnt to the ground and everyone in it is either dead or runs away for safety, until the town is moved or rebuilt.

I WANT THIS GAME NOW


2. Tera Online



There isn't much information available about this game yet, but there was one thing in it that was very interesting: real combat. You don't just stand there letting a giant crab-monster hit you. You jump over and under the giant crab-monster, rolling under it to hit its soft belly, or attacking it from behind.

This game also has interesting targetting. Once again, you're not just standing there smacking a cave yeti with your sword. You have to position yourself to hit it. Casters and rangers target it like through a scope. It's really cool and gives a nice challenge.

Two things I hate about it: 1) the adorable dog-racoon things. I HATE THEM. 2) All of the female character armor is beyond slutty. It's a new level of slutty. And the female caster wearing high-heels? HAHAHA. If I'm going to be in the middle of a war, running across the world, the last fucking thing I'm wearing is high heels.

It looks promising, though, so I'll keep my eye out.



Do you play MMORPGs? What are some of your favorites?